I Didn't Get the Birth I Wanted

By The Tart from Down Under

Posted on Sunday, June 26, 2016

Before you jump on me, I know what this looks like. It looks like one of those blogs where a woman screams and shouts about how nothing went to her plan. How doctors are evil and took over, and she had her precious snowflake in a way that she wasn’t happy about. Even if, had things gone her way, that it might have been incredibly dangerous for her and her new baby.

This isn’t one of those posts. This is a story of someone who tried their best and their baby decided for them.

While pregnant I went to a “parenting course”. I put this in quotation marks because it was run by a midwife who was in training, and rather unsure of herself. This particular class was for first time parents. The majority of the class was about birth, with feeding and nappy changing activities thrown in. One particular class, the midwife sat us down, and told us we were to write a birth plan. I had heard of these before, but simply had nothing I wanted. I wrote, “I will try to give birth without intervention, and I am willing to try it without pain medication, if this doesn’t work, I will give birth with intervention and pain medication”. My only hope was to avoid a cesarean, because the thought of them scared the crap out of me. You have a baby AND major surgery? No thanks, not if I can help it.

Apparently that wasn’t right. The midwife told me to be more specific. Did I want candles? And what about music? Maybe dimmed lights for atmosphere? I don’t remember my reply, it may have been sarcastic, and about how that’s what got us here in the first place.

My son didn’t know that I had written a birth plan, and quite frankly he didn’t care. I had to be induced 10 days after his due date. After a long wait at the hospital, I was medicated and brought into a ward at 11pm Monday night. I was awake most of the night with contractions, which started about an hour later. When my partner came back in the morning, a Doctor assessed me and we were moved to a labor room.

I won’t take you through the gory details, but I was in labor for a long time. My contractions were strange, more concentrated pain on one side. I was unable to rest in any position other than on my right side; the rest of the time I labored standing. If I attempted to lean or lay on my left side, the pain was excruciating. Besides this issue, I progressed well.  I hit 9 cm dilated at around 2 pm, and up until this point I hadn’t had medication. I was doing this, and I was proud of myself. I told the midwife I felt I needed to push and she told me I wasn’t ready yet, they administered a morphine shot. It was supposed to lessen the strength of my contractions and give me a bit of a break.

They checked my progress several more times over the next few hours and I was still at 9 cms. I was tired, my pain was increasing, and nothing was happening. After a doctor checked my son’s positioning, (so not a comfortable experience) they found he had come into the birth canal on an angle, his head jarring against my left hip. All of a sudden the extra pain made sense, and it was explained to us that there was no way that my cervix would dilate to 10 cm, without consistent pressure on all sides. So more than 12 hours after I reached 9 cm, I was administered an epidural and taken to OR. I would just like to thank modern medicine, that epidural was amazing. I was exhausted and basically went to sleep during my cesarean.

My son R, was born in March of 2013, at 5:04 am on a Wednesday morning, at 7 pound 10 ounces and 57 cm. He was born via emergency cesarean, but was perfectly healthy.

This is all that matters to me, and should be all that matters to anyone involved in the birth of a baby. Going through pregnancy, a lot of the advice I was given was about the window dressings of labor, about who to have with me, music I should listen to, how to create an atmosphere for the “perfect birth”. I understand that people have their own ideas about labor, and some may feel that these decisions will make them more confident about their child’s birth, but don’t forget, birth has a purpose, which is to bring a baby into this world. That is the most important part.

R didn’t do things according to plan then, and he certainly doesn't now, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

About the Author:

A 28 year old Aussie, from the beautiful South-East of Queensland, a lover of chocolate, good white wine and books, I'm an almost married mum to two, aged 1 and 3, who is pro-vax, pro-choice and pro-you do you. My partner and I run a small business from home.