By Eowyn Startart
Posted Monday, June 20th, 2016
Via: Roanoke College
If there’s one thing I have learned in my nearly 20 years of martial arts, it’s that 99% of self defence classes for women are absolutely useless.
Ok, clearly, it’s not the only thing I’ve learned in two decades, and certainly not something that my Senseis ever taught me to be skeptical of. In my studies from early childhood, I did learn how to defend myself, along with discipline, how to correctly do techniques, and a bunch of other fun little things. However, through my own personal experiences, and through the stories of my friends, I have learned that the majority of classes that claim to teach self defence to women are absolute bull shit.
In the past several years, I have tried out several women’s self defence classes offered at universities and in my community, just to see what the instructors taught their students. Each time I was simultaneously angered, horrified, and very disappointed. Any class that I’ve ever been to can be summed up as: here’s how to not be a victim, and to make sure someone else is a victim. But just in case the bad guy is crazy and you are a victim, here’s what you can do. Also, you probably just shouldn’t ever leave your house if you’re a woman.
The things the instructors — who are usually men, I should add — teach are things we as women have been taught all our lives. Don’t wear short skirts or heels because you can’t run in either. Don’t have your hair in a ponytail, because it’s easy to grab. Walk either jingling your keys or with your keys between your fingers so you can stab your attacker with them as you punch them. This sounds like it could be good advice, but even if the intentions behind it are good, it’s really terrible advice. And we’ve all heard the old saying “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. What this advice fails to acknowledge is that it usually doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. If someone wants to attack you, they will.
My good friend J had this to say about a women’s self defence class she went to:
“We were taught more about preventing our own rape than how to defend ourselves. Any actual self defense techniques were taught in a manner where we were barely allowed to tap each other (or the mat).
“We were told that we should never leave the door locked with a man in our house. He can rape you. Even your dad, husband, uncle, grandpa. Doesn't matter if you've known him for years and trust him. Doesn't matter if your own family dynamic is thankfully free of predators.
“We were also taught things like: never wear a ponytail, never wear a purse, never wear heels. Because if you wear a purse, someone will rob you. If you wear a ponytail someone will break your neck. If you wear heels you can't run from an attacker.
“In terms of actual techniques, the only thing I remember (the thing we practiced most) was yelling "STOP!" I feel like there was some knee stuff and some arm stuff but it was far less memorable than the slut shaming and victim blaming”.
As a lifelong martial artist, this story horrifies me. Yelling “STOP!” is the only good thing about what J was taught. But any positive in that is far outweighed by all the victim blaming and slut shaming. The bit about never leaving the door locked with a man in your own home, even if he’s related to you? I can’t even. Yes, statistically you’re far more likely to be hurt by someone you know, but this advice just goes way overboard. And as J mentioned, she doesn’t even remember any of the actual techniques.
Was this J’s instructor?
Something I’ve noticed about women’s self defence courses, that I think is absolutely wrong, is that they never teach the participants how to fall properly. In the past I have asked an instructor when they were going to teach us how to fall and their response was to look at me like I had three heads and say “why would you want to learn how to fall?” Learning to fall is absolutely important. Even critical. The majority of physical altercations end up on the ground. Learning how to fall without bashing your head on the ground or breaking a bone in your arm should be the first thing any self defence instructor should teach. Hell, learning how to fall properly has saved my ass so many times when I’ve fallen off of horses. It definitely comes in handy for things other than self defence situations.
Another friend, K, mentioned she’s come across a very pushy salesperson who tried to convince her to take their course.
“When someone was trying to sell me on attending a women's self defense class, I told them that I wasn't interested in a workshop, if I decided to do something like that I would take a regular martial arts class. They seriously tried to convince me that I wouldn't learn anything by taking martial arts that I couldn't learn in their 12 hour workshop. Pretty sure they were on commission.”
I’m also pretty sure they were on commission. Telling women that they can learn everything they need to know in a 12-hour workshop is not only completely wrong, but also dangerous. Twelve hours is nothing. There’s a thing called “muscle memory” that happens when you practice something for hours and weeks and years. It becomes second nature. And it’s kind of important. Nobody is going to develop muscle memory from a 12-hour self defence workshop. It’s nowhere near long enough to really teach things properly.
Don’t let this bad stuff scare you, there are some good women’s self defence courses out there. A third friend of mine, A, told me about hers:
“I went to a parochial high school and we had a self defense seminar. The woman who ran it was an ex cop who explained that all of her cop training didn't prepare her for when she was attacked. She went over where you can hit people, being cautious of your surroundings, but also discussed that it is our body and if someone is being sketch, we have every right to make a scene. It culminated with her leading 700+ women screaming 'what the fuck do you want?' in the gymnasium”.
It might sound a little silly, but this is fantastic advice. Seriously, in a self defence situation, the first thing anybody should do — as long as it’s possible — is to say something in a loud voice. It can be “stop”, “what the fuck do you want?”, or you can take a page out of the book of Bobby Hill and say “that’s my purse! I don’t know you!” When you use a loud voice, you have the chance of alerting other people to the situation. This is a good thing for two reasons. First, if other people notice, the attacker has a good chance of backing off and people will know what they look like. Second, if the attacker continues to attack, even with witnesses, if you successfully defend yourself from the attacker and they get injured, you have witnesses that can positively say that you told them to stop before engaging in anything physical. In addition to using a loud voice, a good idea is to put one hand out in front of you to create space and a barrier between you and the attacker. Don’t actually touch the attacker and you can back up if you need to, but make sure you have plenty of space. It will give you time to react if and when they become violent.
Bobby Hill’s got the right idea!
I also agree with the ex-cop who taught my friend A. Nothing can really prepare you for being attacked. I don’t care if you’re a tenth degree black belt in Karate, you never know what is going to happen in a self defence situation. We all have an inherent fight or flight response and when shit gets real, we don’t have a whole lot of control over how we’re going to react. Training will give you a bit of an edge, but it still doesn’t fully prepare you.
My advice is that if you really want to learn self defence, join a martial arts dojo. Many have free trial periods so that you can see if you enjoy them or not. By training in martial arts as opposed to just a self defence course, you also get the fitness and discipline benefits. More importantly, you have an absolutely awesome opportunity to work with a wide variety of people. It’s no use practicing self defence on another woman who is the same size as you when your attacker is probably going to be someone twice your size. In my experience, dojos are very welcoming places and the people who will be practicing with you are happy to help you. If you don’t feel comfortable at a certain dojo, absolutely shop around for another.
I also believe that self defence is important for everyone. Women are more likely to be attacked, but I still think men should learn some self defence, too. And that everyone should be given some basic guidelines on how to stay safe. For example, when you’re walking around at night, don’t have your hood up because it blocks your peripheral vision. If you’re listening to music, make sure it’s not too loud. Stay in well-lit areas when possible and avoid walking down alleyways. Finally, keep your back straight and walk confidently, even if you have to fake it. This is advice that I learned growing up and was taught to me and the other kids I trained with, boys as well. It’s advice that I pass on to everyone, male or female. It’s not shaming anyone for what they’re wearing, it’s just trying to get people to be a little more cautious at night and pay more attention to their surroundings. Any self defence course that shames women for what they are wearing is dangerous and part of the larger problem. A problem that takes the culpability off of the attacker and onto the victim.
Just for fun: Me, looking fierce in 1997.
About the Author:
Born and raised in southern Ontario, Eowyn Startart often wishes some of the Canadian stereotypes were true because she really wants a pet moose. She loves horses, even if her horse is kind of a lazy arse at times. Having trained in martial arts for nearly 20 years, Eowyn helps teach small children how to fight in her spare time. She has a bachelors degree in music, a Master of Arts in musicology (fancy schmancy word for music history), and just finished a post grad certificate in radio broadcasting. Eowyn hopes to one day be on the radio, but for now the 25 year old writes blog posts, reads, and films horse races part time while looking for a job at a radio station. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @eowynstartart
